Why i’ve been gone

So i unfollowed you again a while ago on twitter due to the below stuff happening.

I’ve been checking your blog entries from time to time and i’m really glad some exciting news is happening with your tv shows and comic, and Akemi is still as kawaii as ever with her phrases,but despite using twitter from time to time, it’s not the best place to be when life isn’t good and you need someone to talk to, hence my disappearing.


Mum’s sciatica that she’d been getting intense pain from for the last 8 months has actually been misdiagnosed, found out it is bone cancer and although the worst of it is on her right hip, she was told it’s over most of her skeleton, now waiting for long overdue results as to how aggressive the cancer is and how long she might have left.

I’ve been alone in the house for 5 weeks apart from the odd overbearing family member who think they know better, or a god-damn nosy neighbour who angered me so much with her rudeness that when she left i punched my door twice and split a knuckle to the bone.

Got my brother going on and on in phone calls about sorting out everything including a will for mum, despite not knowing if she could have years left, he’s acting like she’s got days.

If mum did….when mum does die, due to my health issues =a small amount of benefits a month, i’d be left with about £3.33 a month, but at least i wouldn’t be homeless, although with the house being divided between us, i would end up homeless anyway.

£70,000 left after bro’s half and solicitor fees, not enough decent credit=not able to get a mortgage, means trying to find a home to buy for that money, which doesn’t leave me many options except a final one.

So i’m pretty much fuc**d, head feels like i have a dam that’s about to burst from lonliness and worry about the future.

Can i just say Joe, if you decide to have kids one day(and i doubt you’ll need this advice) if one is shy and seems to be happier in some type of western otaku/neet lifestyle, do everything possible to wake them up and experience the world through work and socialising, because being 35 and realising i’ve been in a kinda gaming cocoon all these years has totally messed up my future and i’m terrified.



Places to visit, things to do in Cornwall

Hey Mr Destructo, so just in case you ever come to Cornwall, here’s a little info about where to go as a tourist…ps Nothing depressing to read, and i know you’re really busy, so i’m not expecting a reply.

https://paradisepark.org.uk/ A small but enjoyable “zoo” where you can hand feed goats and donkeys, see snakes, parrots, otters, red pandas and more,plus ride on a tiny train around the grounds.

https://www.edenproject.com/ it’s like a load of massive greenhouses, where they have plants from all over the world and they also filmed a James Bond movie there, i think it was Die Another Day, with snow and fricking laser beams.

https://www.landsend-landmark.co.uk/ is stunning when the weather is sunny and clear,the one and only time i went there years ago, i saw dolphins in the water 🙂

https://www.stmichaelsmount.co.uk/ is fascinating, from a beating Giants heart made of stone, to a suit of real Samurai armour in a room with a mummified cat, just be careful of the pathway, as it tends to disappear when the tide comes in, but they have a car/boat to ferry people.

I’ve only dined out once about 11 years ago at http://www.redruthmeadery.com/ but you can’t go wrong with a Cornish Pasty and some Scrumpy cider.

Truro is technically a city, due to it having a Cathedral, oh and Falmouth(a town) has an oyster festival plus Longships in the harbour from time to but, but from where i’ve been many many years ago for the UK try:York in Yorkshire, Stonehenge with Salisbury(but err, be careful of Novichok), mum said Longleat in Bath +the Roman Baths were amazing.

They’re not a waste of money in the sense that your $ goes towards animal conservation, but i’d avoid the Monkey sanctuary in Looe, and The Screech Owl Sanctuary near Newquay, as there isn’t much to see apart from very well stocked gift shops.



Tension headache gone,finally

3 mother fu***ng weeks of nausea,lightheadedness,dizziness pain in eyes/teeth/ears and head,feeling like i was moving on rough seas even laid on my bed and it’s finally gone.

Probably to do with having a medical assessment just before it started, otherwise it’s a weird coincidence.

Not that i can blame the gov,i’ve been on the sick for…for too many long years.

Maybe i’m a medical marvel, i’m obese and although i have agony in my ankles if i walk or stand for too long, i love manual labour such as gardening(apart from when the garden i’ve levelled again ends up with worm hills)…ARGH Headshake,think happy thoughts instead of getting melodramatic again cuz its 03:25am and the bad thoughts are there >.<

Anyway, headaches are gone, so that’s something to be grateful for.


My story

My name is Sam, twitter handle @Cornisguv.

Despite appearances, i’m much happier working with my hands then being on my arse, although the partial sinkhole in my sofa says otherwise.

When i was a a wee child, my bro and I were in charge of cleaning out 58 hutches for 57 Angora rabbits and 1 lop eared called Rocky who was both obsessed with homemade chocolate cake, and spraying his p**s all over me whenever i walked past him.

Mum would comb the angoras, spin the fur and then knit it into garments to sell.

That in turn put me onto crafts, such as spending 2 years pegging a sheep fleece rug with my own design and then having it destroyed by a cat after 2 days…

I’ve dabbled in cheating blacksmithery where he’d use molds and aluminium to create armour for re-enactments, whilst my mum would make quilted jackets.But like so many things i enjoy, it didn’t last,so after searching i found a true blacksmith at a 300 year old forge opposite Poldark Mine,which i really loved, as he showed me everything he’d made from intricate flowers and gates, to weapons and armour, including for hollywood movies such as LOTR & The Kingdom of Heaven-i wasn’t sure if i should believe that, but his skills were definitely there.

But that didn’t go anywhere, as he’d been betrayed by a previous apprentice and had lost his trust in taking on another,which with other stuff going on in my life, left me heartbroken.

Spiral of despair which lasted for the next 13 years,blah de blah.

Baldy is my older bro with his Hungarian gf of err…12 years i think now(they have 2 girls 5 and 2) my mum in pink, aunt and uncle (Wolverine?!) and the chap with the “golden hair that DID NOT turn ginger and then green because he didn’t know what he was doing” is me 11 years ago and in the other pic at St Michaels mount 10 years ago.

I’d taken a Chinese online friend there on my birthday when she visited Cornwall, and she brought her 2 Czech and Hungarian girl-friends with her,and after being insulted in a rather vile way, that was also the last time in 10 years i’d met anyone else in physical form 🙂


Ohh, when i was 18 years old, i thought i was in love with, and loved by a err voluptuous Japanese woman of 31 years of age via the power of the internet.

I have a knack for languages, so i was learning Japanese, and in particular Osakan dialect to talk to her, whilst she shared her workplace Dalloyau sweets with me via air mail, but she left me for a real guy(big surprise) who drove a motorbike-i probably would have been more upset if his name was Kaneda and he drove a red bike.

I’m a fan of comics, especially the Aliens collection, Judge Dredd/2000AD, Garfield, Calvin and Hobbes, Tintin, Asterix, and a ton of manga.

Anime,hmm, almost anything, i still have VHS videos of the oldies,but I really enjoy comedy at the moment.

Movies:I prefer the story style of Jurassic Park to the style over substance of J World, Star Wars makes me say Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhh but loved Spaceballs(Did Alien Covenant pay Homage to the singing and dancing xenomorph,with its god awful copy of David) and almost every other Mel Brooks movie. Anything HP Lovecraft related or weird such as In the Mouth of Madness, Event Horizon.Definitely enjoy a bit of cheese in horror, but don’t enjoy gore just for gores sake, Saw 1 YES, Saw sequels nope.Oh and i’m a huge Evil Dead fan, but not to the point where i know every little detail.

Tv: Reboot was my go to show when i was in secondary school, then as a i was older, Buffy, Charmed, The Munsters,Hercules and Xena, SG1/Atlantis/Universe…i actually didn’t watch many eps of that when i heard it had been prematurely cancelled as i can’t stand being invested in something that suddenly ends(Dracula, Terra Nova, G-d Damned Dark Matter) then some newer shows too numerous to mention. And Gaki No Tsukai,once a year its on, and it never fails to make me laugh.

Books:HP Lovecraft and Robert Howards collections, Terry Pratchett, Anne McCaffrey, Tolkien, Robin Hobb, Garth Nix, Patrick Rothfuss, Fuyumi Ono, Lian Hearn.

Music:80’S, Meat Loaf, Michael Buble, BabyMetal…Short version, nearly everything 🙂 I enjoy finding a new song by accident that i can’t stop playing until i’m sick of it.

Gaming: Gaming is my Austin Powers Fat Bastard moment “I game because i’m unhappy, i’m unhappy because i game” because of health issues, i’d say it’s 90% of my life which would be fine if i was one of those streamers or Youtubers, cuz at least then i’d get paid to play lol.

Without going into specific details, before i doubled my Prozac, I could feel myself losing the fight against my own thoughts, the only way i can describe it, was that i knew i was at 73% towards trying to end it again just a few weeks ago,and everyday that % was increasing faster and faster.Since doubling the Prozac my anxiety attacks have all but disappeared and although my thoughts are better,its also made me take stock of my life and see my future,which is caring more for my mum due to her pain probs as she gets older, and being 50 or older before i’m left completely alone with low credit rating, no prospects and…well by then Virtual Reality will be much improved, so maybe i can become a Ghost in the Machine aka The Lawnmower man 🙂

At one time i would have been bitterly jealous of the life, but more so the relationship that BDestructo and Akemi have,but now its more an envious longing.

Sure, having money is great, but to have earned it doing something you love to do, knowing it makes others happy is even better, although having a load of money where your home is completely detached from noisy neighbours who think its a great idea to chop firewood indoors every winter, and where you hear them walking upstairs, would be awesome too.And after seeing my bro, his gf and my 2 nieces, the whole relationship thing is more appealing than ever-although screaming kids and crocodile tears gets on my nerves pretty fast.

But I’ve accepted that I won’t have any of that, which is kinda relaxing in a Zen way, i guess.