Hey Mr Destructo, so just in case you ever come to Cornwall, here’s a little info about where to go as a tourist…ps Nothing depressing to read, and i know you’re really busy, so i’m not expecting a reply.
https://paradisepark.org.uk/ A small but enjoyable “zoo” where you can hand feed goats and donkeys, see snakes, parrots, otters, red pandas and more,plus ride on a tiny train around the grounds.
https://www.edenproject.com/ it’s like a load of massive greenhouses, where they have plants from all over the world and they also filmed a James Bond movie there, i think it was Die Another Day, with snow and fricking laser beams.
https://www.landsend-landmark.co.uk/ is stunning when the weather is sunny and clear,the one and only time i went there years ago, i saw dolphins in the water 🙂
https://www.stmichaelsmount.co.uk/ is fascinating, from a beating Giants heart made of stone, to a suit of real Samurai armour in a room with a mummified cat, just be careful of the pathway, as it tends to disappear when the tide comes in, but they have a car/boat to ferry people.
I’ve only dined out once about 11 years ago at http://www.redruthmeadery.com/ but you can’t go wrong with a Cornish Pasty and some Scrumpy cider.
Truro is technically a city, due to it having a Cathedral, oh and Falmouth(a town) has an oyster festival plus Longships in the harbour from time to but, but from where i’ve been many many years ago for the UK try:York in Yorkshire, Stonehenge with Salisbury(but err, be careful of Novichok), mum said Longleat in Bath +the Roman Baths were amazing.
They’re not a waste of money in the sense that your $ goes towards animal conservation, but i’d avoid the Monkey sanctuary in Looe, and The Screech Owl Sanctuary near Newquay, as there isn’t much to see apart from very well stocked gift shops.